If you believe the world was formed 5000 years ago, don't read this.

I really wonder why a group of people are referred to as a generation. It sounds like robots. By the way, I'd like to correct the math in my previous post. 200/300 is 2/3, not 1/3. Sorry to all of my nonexistent followers.

Wouldn't it be sweet if Jesus existed in a total social vacuum? I'm sure he'd be busy blogging, no doubt. Disciples are hard to come by nowadays, especially on blogspot. No, I'm sure JHC would fare much better on Twitter, where people follow people, just to get noticed by the people they're following. It's a frightening trend in today's crowded social networking-sphere. Blogspot, however, still affords us with more expansive and nuanced expression. Twitter does serve a pretty sweet function though. For now, it humanizes celebrities. Whether they're getting some Starbucks or strolling down the strip in a caddy, it gives us insight into the poor state of celeb grammar. I wonder what Jesus' twitter account would say?

@Christ: Yo. Just made some converts today. Their really into it. Gotta call dad and tell him the news.
@Christ: @JudasPriest - Hey man, that shikse in the front row is mine! F off man!
@JohntheMon: @Christ dude she's totly into u man. tell judas shes got the chlep.
@God: @Christ I'll give you thirty bucks to mow the lawn tomorrow.
@Christ: Guess who's going on a cruise to Greece for the wknd!
@Mary: @God YOUR CHILD SUPPORT CHECK WAS DUE 3 WEEKS AGO
@God: @Christ Hey man can I borrow 30 bucks?

I suppose the Bible would be much different had Twitter existed 2000 years ago. For one, it'd be 90% @ signs. On the other hand, if Twitter was around in year 18, we'd have waaaaaay better technology today.

Alcohol breakdown

So I did a bit of drinking this Friday night, and I thought I consumed quite a bit. My liver was screaming at me at least. It turns out, I have a very small tolerance to alcohol. I'm proud to say that I consumed 202.15 ml of alcohol over the course of 10 hours, while maintaining a very pleasant feeling, and I don't care to drink any more. In fact, I'm going to take a week off from drinking. Thank god for Vitamin Water and homemade low cal guac. In case you're wondering how I arrived at my final figure, I'll show you my math (taken from txt file written earlier tonight):
14g (17.74ml) alc in typical drink raises BAC 0.02% - 0.05% per hour, dissipates 0.015%/hr

Derek: 9beers*330ml=2970ml*0.049alc=145.53ml alc from Warsteiner

500ml Aventinus*0.082alc=41ml alc from Aventinus

355 ml Shiner Blonde*0.044alc=15.62ml alc from Shiner Blonde

202.15ml total alc ingested over 10 hours (2pm-12am)


750ml Vodka*0.4alc=300ml alc ~ tonight, I drank the equivalent of a third of a fifth

A short statement reg. D-bags

After a careful review of several high school classmates on Facebook, I've come to the conclusion that I hung out with a large number of D-bags. Don't worry, chances are, if you're reading this, you're not a D-bag. D-Bags are busy adding product to their hair. D-Bags occupy most of their time at malls, digging like weevils for clothes on Old Navy and Abercrombie racks. And yes, D-bags use 99% of their brain power to look absolutely D-baggish. What a horrible demographic.
I henceforth denounce all d-baggery and trappings thereof. That is all for now.
I'm now going to curl up in an angry ball and wonder why all the D-bags get to tap it all the time.

Welcome to the advent of something incredibly stupid, asinine, and utterly sensational. Did I mention this blog is based solely on opinion, and facts stated further than this point have very little basis in reality. The truth is, many weavers of fiction such as myself have a burning desire to entertain over any other goal. Hopefully my goals are attained. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: nothing in this blog is real. Everything in this blog comes straight from Derek's imagination. This is not limited to Derek's imagination. It extends to yours as well.